Gilbert Week: Day 2

Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage.  When I first heard this title I was immediately drawn to it and I have no idea why... ok, ok, I may or may not have occasional nightmares that include me getting married to somebody I barely know and me having to cancel the wedding in a very dramatic fashion.  So I definitely have some skepticism and fear when it comes to the commitment of marriage.


Committed is a fascinating exploration of marriage, its history, and its social and cultural implications.  It turns out that the history of marriage and not nearly as simple as some would have us believe.  In the interview below, Gilbert shares how her expectations have changed and talks about the ever-evolving nature of marriage:


Good Reads: Do you feel you have a handle on the marriage thing after writing this book? What do you hope married and serious couples will take away from Committed? 

EG: I've come away with a respect for the institution that I did not expect. I really did think that the more I studied it, the more hostile I would become toward it. The conclusion that I came to at the end, that was inspiring and comforting, is that marriage is not this hidebound institution that is forced upon people, or is one cookie-cutter shape that you have to accept because society says so. 

Marriage is an ongoing, centuries-long social experiment that is mostly controlled by the individuals in the relationships who insist on determining what the relationship terms are going to be. And that's why the terms of marriage change with every century and decade. We're shaping it from the inside. Marriage endures because it evolves. Obviously it does. None of us would accept marriage on its 13th century terms, not even the most conservative people in the country would accept it. So in order for marriage to endure it has to change along with us, and it does that very graciously. And in the end I find there is something kind of moving about it: the fact that people continue to insist on choosing somebody to build a life with. 

Committed also gave me an enormous amount of perspective about myself: I'm an enormous product of my century, I'm a product of my upbringing. I was not aware of the fact that I was entering marriage with the highest set of expectations that humans have ever brought to the institution. It was really good to find that out. It doesn't have to be the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, the moon and the stars—it can just be the moon. It's enough that it just can be what it is. I've calmed down a lot about what I expect marriage should be in my life.